20 Years

Carl Gussow, "Oyster Girl"
Carl Gussow, "Oyster Girl"

Its strange to think I might have been celebrating a 20th wedding anniversary tomorrow. There is a part of me that wonders if there is not some version of me, of Arron living in a parallel universe where he didn’t die, the world didn’t shift upon its axis. I wonder what that life would have been like? I wonder how different our kids might be. How different I might be.

As often happens I had a conflict yesterday where I had to get Olivia to one place and be at another place with Carter at the same time. And for the first time in ages, the idea that Arron might have been around, so we could divide and conquer struck me. I’m sure there have been plenty of opportunities for this thought to enter my mind, but for some reason it only did yesterday.

As for the day itself, I have no idea what I’ll do. There seem to be an inordinate number of days in my year that I have no idea how to celebrate. I guess because they are not exactly celebratory.

Perhaps another Arron poem will cheer me. Its good to hear his voice. Might be interesting to read it while listening to this:

Delta Wing

Sunlight streaked
from your glistening lips
a place far and beyond
the wind blew you through some coastal place
down the drive
over that clumsy wall by the house with
the pigs and chickens
onto the narrow beach
and soon that swift, dry, uncaring climb
up the sandy cliff face onto the palapa
so I turned from the kitchen
where salsa I stirred
on that brown cracked tile
so Mexican-mine
the salsa was ready
the oysters were heady
and the half shell
where seduction next to me came as your long
hair blew in silent, salted ocean breezes
was a rough place to take ourselves
but Thelonious played
and Body + Soul
chords were struck

3 Comments

  1. Therese September 28, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I celebrated my 15th year anniversary (3 years after my husbands death) this past August. I invited friends shared mexican food and margarettas and just remembered Chuck. It seemed like the right thing to do as I still love and miss him and have not found anyone new to share my life with.

  2. Bec Young September 29, 2010 at 12:15 am

    It would be a`lot easier if there was a manual about how to celebrate days like these. I didn’t get to my first wedding anniversary so I never experienced what a a ‘normal’ wedding anniversary should be like.I personally find the day depressing and I don’t venture too far from home due to the random big fat tears that well and fall involuntarily.Maybe start a new tradition with your kids? Take them out to a place that was a favourite of Arrons.

  3. Dampdynamite October 3, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    What a great poem! I am starting my 6th year of widowhood, and also the passing of what would have been our 28th wedding anniversary.Death and anniversary were only 3 days apart. I really don’t like the first part of October. I compensate by planting pansies, knowing they will live through the winter into next spring. Some how that helps me get through and thinking of better days ahead. Peace to you…and me

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