Calming the Mind Gremlins

Well, I’ve done it. I took my first Wellbutrin today. I know its going to take weeks before I know if its helping, but it does feel like a step forward. I seem to have gotten my head around the idea of taking something because I sure was quick to pop that little purple pill. I look forward to having a little more energy, being a little more upbeat. I have also been advised to seriously increase my levels of vitamin B, D and to take a liquid fish oil supplement, all of which have been shown to improve mood. I came home with an arsenal. I’m lousy at remembering to take meds at regular intervals, so that is going to be my challenge in all of this.

Oddly (or probably not so oddly), in the process of meeting with the therapist and taking the steps toward making this move, I have been feeling a little more positive. Just the very act of admitting there was a problem seems to have had an effect on my mood. Your comments to my last blog entry about this have also helped in making me realize that I am not alone and that many people have been down this road. All very reassuring, so thank you.

Besides meds, the therapist recommended Feeling Good, a book on cognitive therapy. I’m still plowing my way through it, but essentially its about recognizing those nasty mind gremlins who undermine everything you think, understanding how they relate to your moods and then how to eliminate them with more positive thought processes. Its going to be an interesting learning experience, if nothing else. I am sure there will be several tie ins with The Happiness Project, something I am fascinated with.

The last thing that has added to my upbeat mood has been my conversation with Simone, the intuitive I mentioned in my last post. I know a lot of people are pretty skeptical about the whole psychic/intuitive/medium thing, but I am always amazed by how peaceful I feel after a reading. Simone saw Arron bathed in a powerful pale blue light who showed his concern for Carter with an image of his hand on Carter’s shoulder. The message seemed to be that he wished he could help, be a part of Carter’s life. He wished he could be there for me. I know, all stuff anyone would want to hear. But so what? How can a sense of someone being nearby, but on the other side, helping, guiding you somehow be a bad thing? So here are a few of her predictions. I will post them here, so later perhaps we can look back and see if any of them come true (which would be ever-so-peachy):

– I am going to have a much more balanced year, beginning after my birthday in September. Hallelujah for that!
– I have a lot of books still to write. She described “shelves and shelves” of stuff behind me as well as a lot of throat images which I guess indicate having much to say (well, she picked up on my blabbermouth quality anyway). She mentioned the possibility of writing something from Arron’s perspective, about his passage into the afterlife. I have to admit its an intriguing idea.
– In November/Dec, at some kind of social event, I will meet a man that will apparently become my husband. At the very end of the reading, she got the name “Jim” from Arron. Not sure if this was meant to be this dude’s name, or if there is some other reason for his mentioning the name Jim to me, so who knows. Apparently “Jim” will be tall (6’2″ – how can it be THAT specific about his height yet not give me something useful like a profession. Ah the afterlife works in mysterious ways), dark, handsome and have salt and pepper hair, be highly empathetic toward Arron and the whole dead husband thing. I say bring it!

There was a bit more, but those were the highlights. Who knows, perhaps she is simply picking up on my desires. And there they all are plain as day.

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  1. anniegirl1138 June 30, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    I am glad you are feeling better. Making a decision, following a course – just doing is uplifting.

    Interesting predictions. Keep us updated.

  2. Lis June 30, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    I think like grief, it is important to talk about the challenges, such as depression or shifts in mood and the necessity of asking for help and receiving it. I think that it is helpful to others that read it and like you said for yourself.

    As for the predictions, I think you are exactly right, if they bring you comfort or a feeling of wellbeing than it is not for anyone else to judge. I have someone I talk to a couple times a year because she has a gift that I do not have and the things she knows and sees make it easier at times to see the purpose of the road ahead.
    Thank you for sharing!

  3. Rachel June 30, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    I've been following your journey about this for weeks now and simply wanted to say how brave you are to put this all down.

    In the past decade — after being in a relationship with a man who was manic depressive — I've had to face many of my own judgments. Thanks for opening my eyes.

  4. For The Love Of Mark July 4, 2009 at 12:55 am

    Hi Abigail,
    I am only very new to blog, so please bare with me.I have read your book and may I say whilst the tears flowed constantly, and it was so similar to how I have reacted to situations that have occured since the tragic death of my beloved Mark Feb 2005, it filled me with a sense of relief that I was doing ok. Your writings on this blog, and posts from others have filled me with a renewed strength of the continual battle of the high's and very low low's of being a widow.I am reliving everything again as there has just be a law suit involving the whole accident. I can't say too much as I am awaiting the judges decision. It has brought back some oif the painful things you went through long after your Aaron was so cruelly taken from you. I have travelled to New York and ground zero, and prayed for you and your beautiful children.
    Thank you for being an inspiration. God Bless

  5. Abigail July 6, 2009 at 4:55 pm

    Thank you all for your comments. Sometimes I think I must be crazy for putting all this out there, but you have all made it seem worthwhile, knowing it has helped in some little way.

    Thank you For the love of Mark for reading my book as well. I am so glad it helped you and gave you strength. I can't imagine how difficult it must be going through a trial and how exhausting. I think its my turn to say a prayer for you which I will. Good juju coming your way…


  6. Andrew July 18, 2009 at 12:37 am

    I like this blog..

    Thanks for sharing…


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