Deadbeat Dad

Arron, 5th Grade (1971)

I used to get signs all the time from Arron. The smoke smells, lights turning on, CD players playing schumltzy Christmas songs. I wonder why they have stopped. Is it that I don’t need his signs anymore? Or is he just off galavanting around the Universe, too busy to remember his poor earthbound wife, who is slogging away raising his kids alone? The bum. I kind of need him right now. Carter is being teased at school. With all the bullying stuff going on right now, its hard to know how seriously to take it. I sat in bed last night trying to work out words of encouragement. I managed to eek out how difficult middle school is, how every kid is trying to be popular, be someone’s *best* friend, to fit in. I don’t know why this seems like Arron’s domain, but it does. With Olivia, and all the girl fiascoes, I knew how to cope. I’m less certain with boy dynamics. Aren’t they supposed to be more straightforward?

Arron was a scrapper. He told me once of nearly being jumped by a gang of guys. He was ready to fight, but instead took out his dentures (he wore dentures after losing a bunch of his teeth in a bike accident) and scaring the crap out of them (trust me, its was freaky). He used to walk down 40th St. in NYC along with the throngs walking toward Midtown from the Port Authority and bash people with his bizarrely broad shoulders. Then he’d swear at them for walking into them. But he wasn’t always so brutish. In fact, in middle school he was a shrimp and a pretty boy with long hair and a pink girly complexion. I know he got teased which is why I know he would know just the right thing to say to Carter right now.

If he wasn’t such a deadbeat, maybe he’d give us a sign.

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  1. Bec Young October 16, 2010 at 5:58 am

    I used to get signs too, glad that someone else understands this and I’m not the only freak that believes.
    Sending my love to you and your family in regard to the bullying.

    1. Abby Carter October 23, 2010 at 4:03 pm

      I wonder why the signs stop? And don’t worry there are a ton of believers out there. Thanks for the love. Right back at ya.

  2. Courtney Putnam October 22, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    I find that the signs come and go with my father. He’s been appearing in my dreams lately, so perhaps you can look for Arron there.

    I was delighted to see you post on my blog The Healing Nest. Thank you for your kind comment. I feel an affinity with your journey and your work in the world and look forward to reading your book and vising this blog. I even added a ink to your blog on my blog links for “healing sites.”

    many blessings to you,

    1. Abby Carter October 23, 2010 at 4:05 pm

      Yes, I do have dreams sometimes, though I often don’t remember them or else Arron shows up and I can’t see his face.

      Thanks for adding my link to your blog. I will do the same. Good making connection. Maybe we should meet in person…

  3. jill November 4, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    My husband shows me rainbows. Sometimes, when there’s been a stretch of time without a sign from him I wonder if they’re so subtle that I’m missing them.

    Thanks for the subject and the post. I hope that Arron is with Carter while he’s at school.

    1. Abigail - Site Author November 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      Rainbows. How wonderful. I do think the signs become more subtle as time goes on, but every now and then a sign will be so obvious its laughable.

      And yes, I hope Arron is with Carter at school too!

      Thanks for the comment.

  4. -- November 9, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    Do you believe in reincarnation?

  5. Teresa Luttrell November 12, 2010 at 11:58 am

    My son died suddenly from an undiagnosed aneurysm at 20. I too used to get a lot of signs, but not anymore. I’ve wrestled a bit with why he stopped sending signs.

    My feeling is that after my son died he at first associated who he was with who he’d been. He was grieving as much as we were, wanted to be here, sent us messages all the time so we wouldn’t forget. However–every mystical tradition I’ve ever studied speaks to Oneness. So it makes sense to me that eventually that’s where he returned. When he was ready. And there isn’t a separate self when immersed in Oneness.

    When I first came up with that realization, my first response was, ‘well, shit! You had to be a quick study?” I wanted so much more.

    But then it dawned on me that Oneness also means I am surrounded by Teddy constantly, all the time. Breathing him in, so to speak.

    Now, I find if I close my eyes and concentrate on him, my body gets flooded with a tingly energy. So even when I’m missing him terribly, I can remind myself that he’s close, even without the more concrete messages he used to send.

    Anyway–that’s my freaky story of why.

    I’m in Seattle, just found your work through a friend and have ordered your book to add to my library. I run a ‘healing b&b’ for people recovering from chronic illness and have also kept a blog after the death of my son. I’m thankful I found you.

    1. Abigail - Site Author November 19, 2010 at 12:29 pm


      I checked out your blog. Amazing story and you have managed to turn such tragedy into such a powerful story. I love your sense of “Oneness” so beautiful.

      So glad you found me. We should meet!

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