I got an email from a recent widow yesterday expressing fear of ever having a meaningful relationship again. I was at a bit of a loss about what to tell her. I’m not exactly the picture of successful relationships post-loss. I didn’t fear not having a relationship, quite the contrary, I always assumed I would. But in making that assumption perhaps I set myself up with some unrealistic expectations. Maybe a healthy dose of fear would have been a good thing when it came to dating. It might have given me a sense of urgency and determination rather than one of resigned expectancy.
I met with Lisa Fox again over the weekend. We chatted about a bunch of stuff which I will have to write another post about, but of course the state of my dating life inevitably came up. We got into our usual banter where I say something glib, like “when is Arron going to hook me up?” This time, Lisa replied with, “He’s suggesting that maybe you’re still not ready.” I wanted to scream. Not ready? After almost 10 years? I am really starting to resent the idea that there is something wrong with me, especially when it comes from my favorite ghost. (Haha. Not ready you say?)
I’m off the dating circuit for the time being. Got tired of the online thing. Again. Round and round we go…Â And yet this hiatus feels different â€“ I am OK with not dating. I’m still lonely, especially on those weird Saturday nights where I don’t get around to planning something social. But I’m also feeling increasingly content with my single life. I make my own decisions, I don’t lack in sleep because I don’t have to stay awake late into the night on the phone making kissy talk, I don’t have to deal with the politics of children and dating. OK, maybe I’ve just gotten lazy about it all.
I told my reader to put on a smile, and have fun with the dating thing. Embrace the idea that you might not meet “the one” but you may well meet a nice person to hang out with and who you can text about your day and invite over for dinner on a Monday night when you’ve made too much spaghetti. And you don’t necessarily have to do the online dating thing. You could also take a class, or do something that interests you, that will hopefully interest a guy as well. I tend to be less than stellar at this and wind up taking classes in memoir, usually filled with older women. I took Salsa dancing, and was once again reminded how tall I was. It was also hard to have any sort of conversation when someone is flinging you into a spin and your hair is whipping into their eyes. I suppose I really should take up more of the sort of pursuits that men gravitate towards, like cycling or rock climbing, except that I truly value my life.
And so I think I will just try and carry on and stop fearing and anticipating and working so damned hard at this whole dating thing. I’m ready for Mr. Right to find me for a change.