The widowhood conference last weekend has given me a new-found appreciation for having a community. To suddenly be thrust into immediate friendships via this virtual world of bloghood was amazing to me. But when I got home I realized that I have been sequestering myself, hiding away behind my computer, lost in my blogness. My sense is it that is a common widow/widower thing to do. To hide.
But the conference made me realize that I need to meet more real people. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to laugh and revel in black humour with others who got it. Got me.
The other thing I did this week was hide my Match profile. Again. I am just too tired of being the one-date-wonder. All very nice men that I meet, but no click, no chemistry. Its demoralizing. Plus with all the emails flying around I couldn’t keep each profile straight. Was Mark the one who read philosophy or was that Ed? And I don’t know, but it seemed I had to exchange a LOT of emails before a guy would finally suggest coffee. It was tiring.
And so its dawning on me that I need to find some local community. And to meet some men the old fashioned way.
Hence a couple of ideas:
1. Join a church. my mom nearly spewed her sip of wine when I told her this over the phone. “Church? you?” she said. “What? I need to meet PEOPLE mom!” OK. She’s right. dumb idea. Unless it was a church where we could drink margaritas and laugh at all things Jesus.
2. Take a belly dancing class. Maybe not orthodox and I will only meet women. But fun. And maybe I can lose a bit of the middle age tire that seems to have taken hold of my waist.
3. Learn to row (as in scull. You know in those boats where you paddle backwards with eight other people and a tiny person at the back who shouts at you and tells you where to go?) Probably will have that women-only problem again. Not to mention the nasty 5am wake up. OK, maybe its a bad idea.
4. Take another writing class. The memoir class was great, but the problem with memoir is, you guessed it — only women. Writing about their grandmas. So fiction this time. Maybe I will actually meet someone with a Y chromosome. Probably writing science fiction. Oh no!
5. Get a job. Ooo. A radical idea. I have to say I like my life of so-called leisure. And I seem to always be overwhelmingly busy. I would have to find someone to take care of the kids after school. Am I talking myself out of this one? Let’s review:
– A routine
– Meeting other people, not just women
– Getting paid (maybe)
– Health insurance (maybe)
– Doing something fun (maybe)
– A routine
– Office politics
– Doing something boring (maybe)
– Hiring childcare which might not be cost efficient, depending on the job
– Writing would take a back seat
I want to write another book, but right now all I have are false starts. I can’t quite get into the swing. Maybe its because its the summer and I have kids breathing down my neck, bored out of their minds. And yet, I am meeting another psychic today (in person), to possibly discuss my book idea (if I like her and she seems the kind of person who I could work with). Stay tuned.
At any rate, I can’t look for a job until September due to some trips I have planned this summer. But I have been looking. And who knows, it might even be fun.