Happy Birthday Arron

Its funny as time passes, it seems less and less necessary to celebrate the big events, such as Arron’s birthday. Or maybe I should say, it seems less necessary to celebrate outwardly, the big events. Arron had the misfortune of having a birthday 3 days before Christmas. He always complained, as most Christmas babies do, that the birthday was always a non-event, swallowed up in the belly of Santa.

The truth was, that neither of us were ever that great at celebrations. Too much pressure. A simple dinner out, a cuddle, a single rose, a coupon for a back rub. Maybe that’s what makes the day so awkward. I can’t very well give him a back rub.

For the kids, its even harder. The date, no matter how much warning I give them, still doesn’t mean much. And they are at a greater loss than I with how to celebrate. When I mention it, the usual reply is “are we gonna have cake?” which is funny, because none of really like cake all that much.

I have some bulbs I got at one of Carter’s school’s fundraisers. If it stops dumping with rain, perhaps we will plant them, so that Arron can bloom again in the spring, all shades of fushia and lavender. He would have appreciated the Latin names: Ixiolirion Tartaricum and Allium Aflatunense.

I know its weird, but sometimes I still read his horoscope. Here is what it said for today:

Making discoveries
This is an excellent day for engaging in new activities and for making discoveries about yourself and the world around you. Your life now has an exciting quality that is not always present. Take advantage of this excitement to learn about yourself in ways that are not usually possible. Your heightened perception of your world will help you make changes with a complete understanding of how the various parts of your life are interrelated. This is a good influence for studying any discipline that can reveal new and stimulating aspects of the universe. It favors the study of science, technical disciplines, astrology or other branches of the occult. You want to broaden your understanding, and the more exciting your study, the more actively you will pursue it.

Excitement, heightened perception, stimulating. Really, you couldn’t ask for more on a birthday.

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  1. annie December 22, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    I don't read Will's horoscope anymore but I did for a while. I wondered if it applied to him wherever he was now.

    Daughter asked for a cake for her dad's b-day this year. I had let it slide for a while because I think it is weird, personally, to celebrate b-days for people who are technically beyond physical aging. She is not a cake lover and it was left to Rob and I to eat it. Next year I am going to suggest one of those overlarge decorated cookies. It's what Will always asked for since he didn't like cake either.

    I never forget the day, but I never know what to do either. I didn't grow up with any sort of continual acknowledgment of those who'd died beyond Memorial Day grave yard visits.

    Do what feels best and if that's nothing but a silent noting, then that's what is best.

  2. Crash Course Widow December 22, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    I definitely understand the whole birthday what-do-you-do? issue/nonissue. Yesterday was Charley's 33rd (I'd forgotten until reading this that his and Arron's are only a day away), and for me anymore, they're never anything difficult, notable, or special. Anna and I generally do specifically fun things on the day, or at a minimum make a cake or something, but she's young enough that there's no issue (yet) with the day. We got haircuts; went to lunch with Charley's mom, sister, and her husband; went and saw The Princess and the Frog movie; and then went to Zoolights with my family in the evening. All in all, quite a fun day…but I always hesitate to tell "normal" (i.e., nonwidowed) people that we usually have an extra-nice day on his birthday, because I wouldn't want them to think it's easy, precisely; I simply make a choice to do nice, fun things on the day, and it makes all the difference. But then again, like Arron, Charley never gave a rip about his birthday either, so it was never a big deal when he was alive either…so in death, it's no difference.

    We, however, adore cake, so it's always a good choice for us on his birthday. ;o)

    A happy (belated? posthumous?) birthday to Arron, and to all of you, Abby!

  3. Maggie May December 22, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    I came here to wish you MErry Christmas. I think reading your lovely, articulate thoughts on the great loss of your husband is such an honor.

  4. Anonymous December 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    thats a weird horoscope 😀

  5. Roads January 5, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Jenny's horoscope was the same as mine. Although we were very different people.

    I have no belief in that stuff. But I still read it. Crazy.

    Hope you got through the holidays intact, and best wishes for 2010 from snowy London.

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