I was inspired/reminded today in a post by A Quest for T of what it feels like to be content to be single. I was also reminded in a post by Canadian Bald Guy what the angst of being in/almost in a romance feels like. And it occurs to me that both states have their pros and cons. Singledom has its calmness, its time to just be yourself, its contentment. But it also has its loneliness, its judgments, its worry. Romance gives you no time to yourself, sets you up for risk of pain, but offers the addiction of excitement, sleepless nights, physical satisfaction.

I have been in limbo between these two states lately. Weaning myself off a crush, yet oddly content in my singledom. In my life, its way easier being single. I don’t have to dash out on my kids to go on a date, or pretend I am talking to a “colleague” on the phone. I get a good night’s sleep. All good stuff.

On the recommendation of Dad’s House I am reading Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Carline Myss which has a lot to do with maintaining your “power,” meaning the essence of who you are. Its an idea that is making sense to me right now, as I struggle with the big “what next” question, both in terms of relationships and career. Essentially the book talks about using spirituality to heal the body, something that I have written about before, and that prompted Dad’s House to recommend the book. It reiterates again something I have known for a long time, the idea that you can’t look to another person to make you happy. I get this. I am content with who I am and all that, but damn if loneliness doesn’t keep smacking me in the ass.

I would like to make peace with the loneliness issue. Some tips I am well versed with:

1. Get out there. Date, find ways to meet new people, etc.
2. Live in the moment. Take the time to enjoy what you have.
3. Think positively
4. Send your desires/needs/wants out into the universe and they will all come true

But I still can’t figure out what to do with those moments where I am sitting on the deck of my beautiful house looking out at the water and though I am appreciating the moment, content, happy but thinking how much fun it would be to share the moment with a partner.

Could there be a way to have it all?

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  1. Roads May 20, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Hi Abigail
    I’ve followed your site for a while, and I’m very sorry for your loss.

    Loneliness is a killer, and I can relate to what you say about not being able to share a view.

    Keep busy. Life will come and find you. And yes, I know that sounds trite — but I’m certain that it’s true.

    Best wishes from London.

  2. dadshouse May 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Yes, you can have it all! I believe that, even thought I’m presently single. It sounds to me like you’re doing all the right things – you are being happy with who you are, you are actively out there dating, but you aren’t attaching your happiness to another person. He will walk into you life when you least expect it.

    Meanwhile, when you’re enjoying that nature moment, can you invite a friend along, even if there’s no romance?

    Hope you enjoy the book!

  3. Abigail May 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    Thank you so much for your comment. I look forward to discovering your blog. It looks amazing.

    And to Dadshouse as well:
    I have faith that the right person will come along, though I never thought it would take 8 years. My whole life I have rushed things along. Seems to be a bit of a family trait, and not always a treasured one.

    I do try to invite people to share the view with me, though people live busy lives, and in the end it is often just me, and perhaps a kid or two. But kids are less impressed by views, alas.

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