Shower Premonition

I stepped into the shower one morning a few months before Arron died and had this profound sense that I would eventually be with another man. Curly hair, an architect. Not sure why those specifics. It rocked me to my core. I stood in the shower crying. Arron was unhappy with his job, thus with life in general, thus with me. It had been a difficult spring, that spring nine years ago. It was the very first time in our entire marriage that I had ever even thought about divorce. I had never once been attracted to another man, could not imagine ever being without Arron. But for the first time, I wondered if maybe Arron was going to divorce me.

This premonition was profound. It stuck with me for days, like a bad dream. I walked around in a funk, a strange sick feeling in my stomach. But after a while the feeling faded and Arron got his new job and we ultimately had a happy Labour Day Weekend that summer in Quebec, after an unspoken reconciliation. It turned out to be our last.

For nine years, I have imagined meeting the curly haired architect, often chastising myself thinking I was being silly. I’ve had a relationship with four men in that time, all of them wonderful, but ultimately not right for one reason or another.

Last week I met a curly haired architect (I kid you not) for the first time after corresponding by email for three weeks. He found me on Match. Still early days, but there is a smile on my face…

Are we really all this connected?

3 Comments

  1. annie March 23, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Yeah, we really are all this connected.

    Will always told me he would die first. That he would die young. And that I would met someone before the first year of widowhood was up. He was correct on all accounts. How? I don’t know, but I have a suspicion that we all hashed this out sometime long ago and that these premonitions are more like confirmations of details that slip our minds while we are trying to stay on courses we chose for ourselves once – for reasons still unremembered.

    I’m glad you are smiling.

  2. BigLittleWolf March 23, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Wow.

    I think there are many things we sense, or even know, though we aren’t supposed to sense or know them. We don’t always want to, either.

    Enjoy. Every minute of it, whatever happens.

  3. Mel April 2, 2010 at 2:39 am

    Yeah – I am so excited for you! This is a wonderful development. And, regarding the connectedness… there is so much of this world that we don’t understand… which is what makes it interesting! 🙂

    Great new blog, too! Thank you for being so open and sharing your life. It means a lot.

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